Lifestyle lift-outs love nothing more than a list. And I’ve certainly composed my share of such silly lists over the last decade. “Five Things To Do With a Throw Rug”. “Five Things To Do With a Vegetable Peeler”. “Five Things To Do With Pinot Gris”. Good Lord. There’s only one thing to do with pinot gris, of course, and that’s to purposefully mis-pronounce it at every opportunity: penis grease. One certainly wouldn’t drink it. Some things must separate us from the anmal kingdom, after all.
Today a colleague at my office pointed out another “Five Things” list. It concerned coffee; yet all the advice was wrong, wrong, wrong. Here’s the correct list:
Five Things To Do With Coffee
1. Put a deposit on it or ask about lay-by options.
2. Be seen with it, perhaps at the races or a charity event.
3. Keep the beans under lock and key, lest they be accidentally run through your $1500 espresso machine, thereby rendering it unphotographable.
4. Use it as a platform for such word usage as ‘barista’, ‘fair-trade’, ‘free-trade’, ‘organic’, ‘biodynamic’, and other such bits of jargon-monoxide.
5. Get it loudly and terribly wrong.
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