"It's a great country, but we've got to be responsible for our actions..."
Even without context this comment should be applauded by any right-thinking individual. Yet this has got nice Mark Webber - the racing car driver originally from Queanbeyan in the ACT - into problems with Victoran government ministers and servants - AKA policeman.
Mr. Webber - upon returning to his home country to appear in the Formula 1 race in Melbourne - thought that Australia was now suffering from the affliction known as 'nanny government'. This is a condition in which citizens of their country are excessively governed and monitored and regulated by the very government they freely elect.
Mr. Webber made his nanny state comments in relation to speeding limits, parking regulations, and - one can only imagine - other aspects of local government road rules that so annoy any free spirit in charge of a motor vehicle. He complained about ''dodging the ridiculous speeding and parking [rules] and all the nanny-state [conditions] that we have down here in Australia''.
Yet he was also more broad-ranging in his thoughts:
"''I think we've got to read an instruction book when we get out of bed - what we can do and what we can't do … put a yellow vest on and all that sort of stuff...''
His off the cuff comments didn't suit the new moral crusaders, however. Taking time out from ad nauseum 'when-are-you-people-going-to-learn' remarks, various policemen and government ministers attacked Mr. Webber's free thought.
Deputy Police Commissioner Ken Lay said some of Webber’s fans were alive because of Victoria’s aggressive approach to road safety.
‘‘We’ve got probably one of the best road safety track records in the world, so I make no apology for our aggressive approach,’’ he told a local radio station.
No apology. Aggressive indeed. This is the voice of the self-empowered moral high groundsmen. Mark Webber made a observation, based on his experience as a international journeyman and - no doubt - from a fond remembrance of his younger life here in Australia.
But that has all changed. In the future whether young men from Queanbeyan grow up to become F1 drivers is neither here nor there; but if they grow up and cannot question the laws that govern their existence, then we might all just as well hand our car keys in now.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
February: a Dry Area
We are nearly at the end of February, and therefore at the end of the ridiculous month-long statement of sanctimonious self-importance that is Feb Fast. This cause sees participants abstain from alcohol for the month, and like Movember and other such awareness months, the idea is to raise money for charities which support people suffering from some sort of ailment or social disease, such as drug addiction, mental health problems, and so on. The outcome - that monies go from the private purse into these charitable organisations - is all fine and good, and Feb Fast has already raised a half a mill. But what an annoying month of self-aggrandizing puff the rest of us have to put up with, and not just from common or garden-variety goody-goodies telling us why they are not drinking, but also from would-be celebrities who use the awareness cause as a shameless, self-promotion exercise.
The Feb Fast website even includes a Famous Feb Fasters feature, to assist this strategy. One of the celebs is Angry Anderson…
Celebrity and charity now go hand in hand, particularly as charity is such an effective way to maintain a public profile. And your PR Agent will probably "do the right thing" and not charge you for letting the media know about your passion for high-profile charitable causes. So it’s a win-win for everything and everyone. Except perhaps quiet philanthropy. And publicans
The Feb Fast website even includes a Famous Feb Fasters feature, to assist this strategy. One of the celebs is Angry Anderson…
Celebrity and charity now go hand in hand, particularly as charity is such an effective way to maintain a public profile. And your PR Agent will probably "do the right thing" and not charge you for letting the media know about your passion for high-profile charitable causes. So it’s a win-win for everything and everyone. Except perhaps quiet philanthropy. And publicans
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Our Prime Minister's Wine Cellars
News recently in from The Australian newspaper on the state of the wine cellars of our Prime Minister's two residences: Kirribilli and The Lodge. Apparently the wines are very boring and clapped out. That is debatable. Indeed, there are some more than drinkable Australian reds on the list - and a bit of good local riesling, too. The real question is volume. The Lodge has about 30 cases; Kirribilli a mere 17. Lord knows how they throw parties. Currently the Australian wine industry - which earns more than $2.5 billion in export per annum - is carrying about 100 million cases in surplus, thanks to a grape glut. The PM should show some leadership and start buying up.
Our Prime Minister's Vocabulary
And the PM should also consider very seriously the concept of "Word of the Day". Unfortunately of late his vocabulary relating to adjectives of the moral high-ground has become rather repetitious, not too mention ill-chosen, and sometimes illogical. This, of course, makes the PM's comments very funny, at least to those people who still finds words amusing - as opposed to those people who prefer to use words for cutting and pasting into their CVs and job descriptions.
Recently the PM referred to the effects of a natural disaster as "unspeakable". He went on about these effects for some time.
In a separate instance, regarding what he and many other people in positions of power consider to be preventable road fatalities, the PM has the other day commented that a particular car accident was a "sobering" reminder of something or other. I forget now exactly what. Perhaps I was too stunned by his choice of adjective. The accident in question involved a now dead driver who had been drinking. Most of his passengers died too.
Recently the PM referred to the effects of a natural disaster as "unspeakable". He went on about these effects for some time.
In a separate instance, regarding what he and many other people in positions of power consider to be preventable road fatalities, the PM has the other day commented that a particular car accident was a "sobering" reminder of something or other. I forget now exactly what. Perhaps I was too stunned by his choice of adjective. The accident in question involved a now dead driver who had been drinking. Most of his passengers died too.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
A Restaurant Guide
This week two otherwise educated and charming acquaintances demonstrated in all too keen a way a new horror emerging in our tolerant society. They told me they were going out to restaurant X; they asked me what I thought of the place and what they should order. Of course, given my professional reputation for “blistering honesty”, I was not surprised by their request for information. I dealt it out and off they went, I hope enlightened.
The frightening problem here it that it seems people no longer know how to use restaurants. This may be because more and more people are going out to more and more restaurants – there has been a dilution of quality, if you like. Or it could be that what with our sleepless worry over climate semi-change we have lost a sense of proper etiquette and manners. This would be a terrible shame. I’ve always thought that come the end of times such things as manners, the ability to say please and thank you, not too mention correctly adjusted neck-ties, should be of the utmost importance.
Yet back to restaurant use.
Restaurants have front doors and you should enter them that way, and boldly so. Do not linger; if you are not attended to within 30 seconds or so, leave. Go home and cook yourself a proper dinner.
Of course one can make a reservation for a restaurant table. Always book under a leading restaurant critic’s surname, or full name if you like. Yes, this is very undergraduate, but one must remember what one is actually doing – paying good money and wasting valuable time out of the home, eating someone else’s food. Only a half-drunk undergraduate would do that.
Once seated refuse any offer of the menu and ask for the wine list. Order a pre-dinner drink if you like, but please be cognisant of the fact this drink will cost more than the main course. Restaurateurs have to make money somehow.
Once you’ve had a drink, ask for the menu. Do not choose what you rather ridiculously imagine you might like to eat, but instead employ a process of elimination to find what is safe.
Unless you are in Italy, do not order antipasto. Whether in Italy or not, do not order risotto. Risotto can only be cooked at home. (The claim that risotto should not be cooked at all I can understand, but I think that’s taking things one step too far.)
Never order anything deep-fried; that is what fish and chip shops are for. Do not order anything “inspired”: Thai-inspired mussels, Japanese-inspired chicken, Spanish-inspired ox tongue. No. Do not order “signature” dishes. Never ask a waiter or waitress what they think is best. Never order a “tasting plate”, and degustation menus are for self-important and pompous lifestyle warriors – who are the people one most observes in restaurants.
Ignore the main course dishes and if the restaurant offers “shared plates”, get up and walk out. Stick to the entrees. Order a light one for the first course and a richer one for main. Women may order a dessert course, but no matter what your gender, do not order cheese. It is always too cold, unlike the beer a restaurant might sell. Speaking of drink, order a bottle of pinot noir, or burgundy as it was once called. Wines ordered by the glass are an admission of failure and a sign of general moral decrepitude. Pay by cash and always tip ten per cent. Lunch is preferable; dinner brings out the amateurs.
And the most important rule: never go to a restaurant you haven’t been to before.
The frightening problem here it that it seems people no longer know how to use restaurants. This may be because more and more people are going out to more and more restaurants – there has been a dilution of quality, if you like. Or it could be that what with our sleepless worry over climate semi-change we have lost a sense of proper etiquette and manners. This would be a terrible shame. I’ve always thought that come the end of times such things as manners, the ability to say please and thank you, not too mention correctly adjusted neck-ties, should be of the utmost importance.
Yet back to restaurant use.
Restaurants have front doors and you should enter them that way, and boldly so. Do not linger; if you are not attended to within 30 seconds or so, leave. Go home and cook yourself a proper dinner.
Of course one can make a reservation for a restaurant table. Always book under a leading restaurant critic’s surname, or full name if you like. Yes, this is very undergraduate, but one must remember what one is actually doing – paying good money and wasting valuable time out of the home, eating someone else’s food. Only a half-drunk undergraduate would do that.
Once seated refuse any offer of the menu and ask for the wine list. Order a pre-dinner drink if you like, but please be cognisant of the fact this drink will cost more than the main course. Restaurateurs have to make money somehow.
Once you’ve had a drink, ask for the menu. Do not choose what you rather ridiculously imagine you might like to eat, but instead employ a process of elimination to find what is safe.
Unless you are in Italy, do not order antipasto. Whether in Italy or not, do not order risotto. Risotto can only be cooked at home. (The claim that risotto should not be cooked at all I can understand, but I think that’s taking things one step too far.)
Never order anything deep-fried; that is what fish and chip shops are for. Do not order anything “inspired”: Thai-inspired mussels, Japanese-inspired chicken, Spanish-inspired ox tongue. No. Do not order “signature” dishes. Never ask a waiter or waitress what they think is best. Never order a “tasting plate”, and degustation menus are for self-important and pompous lifestyle warriors – who are the people one most observes in restaurants.
Ignore the main course dishes and if the restaurant offers “shared plates”, get up and walk out. Stick to the entrees. Order a light one for the first course and a richer one for main. Women may order a dessert course, but no matter what your gender, do not order cheese. It is always too cold, unlike the beer a restaurant might sell. Speaking of drink, order a bottle of pinot noir, or burgundy as it was once called. Wines ordered by the glass are an admission of failure and a sign of general moral decrepitude. Pay by cash and always tip ten per cent. Lunch is preferable; dinner brings out the amateurs.
And the most important rule: never go to a restaurant you haven’t been to before.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Bogus December Lists
What is it about the month of December and the sudden appearance of so many bogus lists? Best Sporting Moments of the Year, Best Free-Range Frozen Turkey Buffet Brands, Top Ten Christmas TV Specials… These lists become a list in themselves.
Besides their obvious vacuity, the problem with these lists is that they rarely offer any educative thought. They conform to what is considered to be informed and intelligent, rather than shooting straight. A classic case in point comes from the perennial list of Best Books. For some strange reason James Joyce’s Ulysses is always near the top, despite the fact it is tiresomely long and rambling, and makes zero sense. People feel the need to demonstrate their literary chic, however, hence this silly book’s powerful list-iosity.
To this end the only list we really need is a list of things one should do their utmost to avoid or ignore, to wit:
Bono
Margarine
Discussion of climate change
James Joyce
The entire newspaper, excepting the Letters to the Editor
Brunch – whatever that is
Going out at night
Lycra cycling costumes
Most wind instruments
Balinese resorts
I could expand on these points, and joyfully so, but the sort of people I’m interested in talking to will require no explanation.
Besides their obvious vacuity, the problem with these lists is that they rarely offer any educative thought. They conform to what is considered to be informed and intelligent, rather than shooting straight. A classic case in point comes from the perennial list of Best Books. For some strange reason James Joyce’s Ulysses is always near the top, despite the fact it is tiresomely long and rambling, and makes zero sense. People feel the need to demonstrate their literary chic, however, hence this silly book’s powerful list-iosity.
To this end the only list we really need is a list of things one should do their utmost to avoid or ignore, to wit:
Bono
Margarine
Discussion of climate change
James Joyce
The entire newspaper, excepting the Letters to the Editor
Brunch – whatever that is
Going out at night
Lycra cycling costumes
Most wind instruments
Balinese resorts
I could expand on these points, and joyfully so, but the sort of people I’m interested in talking to will require no explanation.
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Shooting self-harmers and re-joining the twins
It doesn't take long to skim through the office newspapers. They offer a pretty dreary account of alleged news. And the radio news bulletin in the work vehicle I cannot bring myself to turn on too often as I'm so thoroughly sick of bushfire-tragedy-catastrophe reportage.
Yet occasionally a news item or a headline can catch the ear or eye; and it can't but help bring a smile to my cranky face.
The big newspaper had this header during the last week:
Police Shoot Man Attempting Self Harm.
They have since changed the headline online to something less hysterically funny, which I think is a great shame.
Headline writers though are not the only ones unintentionally coming up with some good comedy.
After 32 hours of surgery the formerly conjoined twins from Bangladesh - Trishna and Krishna - have come out of their induced comas and have blown raspberries - or whatever the Bangladeshi version of raspberry blowing is - at medical staff. But that's not the funny bit. Now that the two little girls are awake and "neurologically sound", what have their nurses done? Pushed their cots together.
Yet occasionally a news item or a headline can catch the ear or eye; and it can't but help bring a smile to my cranky face.
The big newspaper had this header during the last week:
Police Shoot Man Attempting Self Harm.
They have since changed the headline online to something less hysterically funny, which I think is a great shame.
Headline writers though are not the only ones unintentionally coming up with some good comedy.
After 32 hours of surgery the formerly conjoined twins from Bangladesh - Trishna and Krishna - have come out of their induced comas and have blown raspberries - or whatever the Bangladeshi version of raspberry blowing is - at medical staff. But that's not the funny bit. Now that the two little girls are awake and "neurologically sound", what have their nurses done? Pushed their cots together.
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